What Happens When You Want to Have Sex, But It Hurts?

I'm a healthy 45-year-old woman, starting to approach menopause. Some days I

feel fine, yet on other days I'm moody and get hot flashes. My periods are

becoming erratic, too.

Sex with my husband used to be pleasurable. But ever since I started going into

menopause, it has become quite uncomfortable and even painful. And I find

myself fearing it—or worse, avoiding it—because, frankly, the pain it causes

takes away any pleasure.


I think it's interfering with my relationship. I no longer feel sexy or desirable.

Although my husband is sweet and seems to be understanding, I think he's

losing

patience with me, and I don't want to give up this important part of our

relationship and let this problem come between us.

I've heard the term "vaginal atrophy," and people talking about how the vagina

"shrinks." Is that what's going on here?

Signed,

Want Sex But Afraid

Sex shouldn't hurt, nor does it need to. But you're not alone. For many women,

sex can become painful and difficult around menopause.

The main culprit is estrogen loss, making the tissues of the vagina dry and

thinner. Without moisture, the friction of sex can certainly cause pain. The
vagina

also loses some of its elasticity, which can make it feel tight and make

penetration painful.

This condition used to be called vaginal atrophy, but in the last few years was

updated to genitourinary syndrome of menopause, or GSM, because the changes

that happen encompass more than just the dryness, irritation and burning of your

vagina. They also include urinary symptoms, too. Learn more about what

happens to your vagina during menopause. 


But let's get back to your question of painful sex. The timing of your question is

good, because there was an informative article just published in The New York

Times called "Treating the Incredible Shrinking Vagina."

In it, the author, Dr. Jen Gunter, says that while these symptoms are distressing

for many women, they can almost always be treated. So, there's hope here.

Dr. Gunter writes that besides loss of lubrication during sex, women may

experience "an uncomfortable sandpaper-like sensation, pain, difficulties

achieving orgasm and even tearing of the vagina or vulva." Your risk of urinary

tract infections can climb, too, during this time and under these conditions.

Estrogen, which declines around menopause, is crucial to maintaining the

bacterial colonies of the vagina. Changing levels can also affect the type of

bacteria in your vagina and the typical odor of it, she writes.

During perimenopause—the period leading up to menopause—up to 15 percent

of women deal with GSM, with that number climbing to about 50 percent by

three years after menopause. (Menopause is defined as when you have gone  12

consecutive months without a period.)

Conversely, some women might never feel any symptoms at all. It is variable for

everyone.

But, for women who experience problems, there are treatments to help—both

over-the-counter and prescription products. 




A lubricant (like Astroglide) can help make sex less painful and more

comfortable. Some data suggests that a silicone-based one will be more effective

than one that is water-based. If your partner uses a condom (yes, you can get

pregnant during perimenopause!), beware that some oil-based lubricants can

degrade condoms.

A moisturizer, used two to three times a week, can ease a dry vagina by

mimicking the actions of vaginal fluid. One example is Replens, but there are

many on the aisle of your drugstore.

And then there are prescription options. Vaginal estrogen is considered to be the

gold standard to replace your missing estrogen after menopause. It's available as

estradiol or conjugated equine estrogen and comes in different formulations

including vaginal tablets, gel caps, creams or in a vaginal ring. This type of

estrogen is low-dose and considered very safe. It is not associated with risks like

breast cancer or stroke when used as prescribed.

There's also a newer option called intravaginal DHEA, which is a hormone that's

 converted in the vaginal tissues to estradiol and testosterone. Because it is

newer, it hasn't been as well-studied as vaginal estrogen, so you might want to try

 the other options first. Keep in mind that some women might find it messy,

because it requires daily application.

Then there's a pill, called Osphena, which contains the drug ospemifene, which

acts like estrogen on the lining of your vagina (as well as your bones). While it

doesn't seem to have the potential harmful effects of estrogen on your breasts or


uterine lining, be aware that it can cause hot flashes and has a potential risk of

stroke and blood clots, according to the Mayo Clinic. 


Besides these treatments, it's recommended that you give your vagina some

special care during this time. Wash your vulva with an unscented cleanser rather

than soap, which can be drying and aggravate the already-dry vagina you're

dealing with.

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