Understand age-appropriate behaviour
Young children engage in “parallel play” - they play alongside rather than with
other kids. Kids tend to run in a crowd until proper friendships start to form at
about four years old. “Don’t worry if they don’t seem to be bonding with one
particular child or playing cooperative games until they are older,” says Ruth.
Accept that each child is different
Some like a wide group of friends, others just one close friend. Some would
happily have a daily play date, while others find socialising emotionally
exhausting. “Don’t try to imitate other children’s playdate behaviour, but rather
identify what your child needs and build up their social life around that,” says
Ruth.
Discuss the situation with their teacher
You may find that your interpretation of your child’s preschool social life is radically different from the reality. Children are often shy when their parents around, but more interactive when you’ve gone. It also might not occur to your child to tell you who their friends are. Chat to their teacher to find out if your child has made a particular friend or group of friends. If the teacher is also concerned about your child’s socialisation, you can work on a plan together to help your child to approach other children, or to ask other children to be more inclusive.
Play on!
Although kick-starting your child’s social life may be a little daunting and there
will probably be some bumps along the way, your child will soon be making
friends and initiating arrangements. Try to let these early playdates be fun for
you and your child, take things at your own pace, and enjoy the journey.
keep trying
Kids don’t always get playdates right the first time. Sharing is a disaster,
compromise doesn’t happen, there are tears… “Don’t let it get you down, and
don’t be too hard on yourself or your child. Rather, use it as a learning
experience to help improve things for next time,” says Ruth.
give playdate focus
Children can be awkward around one another in a new environment, so it’s a
good idea to have planned something for them to do on the playdate. “This
doesn’t have to be a big outing, just some simple activities that most kids love is
fine,” says Ruth.
Some suggestions: icing Marie biscuits, having a treasure hunt in the garden,
finger painting (remember to provide aprons) or creating a cushion obstacle
course in the lounge.
keep it short
It is better to end a playdate on a high note with the children wanting more time
together
“It is better to end a playdate on a high note with the children wanting more time
together, than to end it when they are both exhausted and have had enough,” says
Ruth. “Err on the side of the children feeling like they haven’t had enough time
together.”
An hour or two is about all that one kids can manage at first. Once you have
seen how well your child does at these shorter dates, you can increase the length
of time.
prep your child
If your child is new to the playdating game, it can be helpful to run through some
ground rules before the other child arrives. “Ask them if there are any toys that
they don’t want to share so that those can be put away. Perhaps prepare some
games or toys that are for sharing or cooperative play. Explain some of the social
requirements of having a playdate – that compromise about what to do is
sometimes necessary and that guests must be made to feel welcome,” says Ruth.
get together
With young children, it’s usual to meet the parents before taking their child home
or sending your child home with them. This can be tricky if both parents work,
so set aside some weekend time to make new friends. “Invite other parents
around with their kids for tea or coffee, or arrange to meet in a park or at a kid-
friendly restaurant to give the kids some time to get to know each other in a
neutral space,” Ruth suggests.
See which parents you like
“It’s a good idea to try to get a feeling for which parents you like,” says Ruth.
While of course, it’s up to your child to pick their own friends, if you are helping
them to make friends, it’s good to start with the parents that you have some kind
of connection with. If the kids have no spark, you can’t force the issue, but
sometimes all children need is the opportunity to get to know another child
better outside of the school environment.
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