are also a sign of coming change. As humans, change terrifies us, and we’ll do
almost anything to avoid the discomfort of the unknown. When our partner
shows us behavior that is contrary to our image of them, it’s always a sign that
something is changing in the partnership and that can be difficult to accept for
one or both parties involved.
We don’t believe in ourselves
We’re afraid of the truth
One of the most common reasons we turn away from the truth about our
relationships is because we’re afraid of facing the truth. To accept a negative
truth about your spouse or loved one is to see them (and yourself) in a different
light. The truth is a painful thing, sometimes, and it can be easier to turn away
from it than to turn toward it. The problem with this method, however, is that it
only compounds the issues we’re experiencing and makes it harder for us to find
ourselves beneath the layers of lies and unhappiness.
We’re afraid of change
Perhaps the most common reason we ignore warning signs from our partner is
our own failure to believe in ourselves. When you’re haunted by low self-esteem,
you doubt even your most basic of instincts and feelings. Rather than trusting
that gnawing feeling in your gut — you ignore it — in the hopes that you’re
simply doing something wrong once again. Shutting out our intuition is a
dangerous game to play, and one that can find us facing more regrets than we
might have done otherwise. It all comes down to believing in ourselves and
believing that we want for us is both right and deserved.
We’ve been brainwashed
Many of us were raised to believe that our relationships were do-or-die. As
children, our parents told us the importance of committing, and instilled in us the
idea of breakups as taboo and highly undesirable. We view the ending of
relationships as failure, when really all they are is the end of one chapter and the
start of another. Rather than viewing our partnerships as a chore, we should view
them as an opportunity; one that begins and ends when it is meant to. Nothing
more, nothing less.
The 11 red-flags you should never overlook.
When it comes to red-flags, there are a number of behaviors, beliefs and
revelations we should never ignore. From things as small as “all my exes are
crazy” to outright physical and emotional abuse — these are the 11 red flags you
should never ignore.
1. Fear of commitment
Fear of commitment is a common red flag that gets ignored or overlooked by
those who are seeking the lasting connection of a deep, romantic bond. If you
find yourself engaged with a partner who claims that all relationships “fail” or
that no relationship is “healthy” you might be looking at someone who has a
problem accepting responsibility, or someone who might be expecting you to do
most of the heavy lifting; in a way that will inevitably leave you running for the
hills and therefore confirming their prophecy (and their failure to commit).
2. A slew of “terrible” exes
When you find yourself with a partner or spouse that says all their exes were
“terrible” — it might be a warning sign. The partner who sees all their exes as
the problem might have their own problems when it comes to stepping up to the
plate and taking responsibility for their actions and behaviors in a realtionship.
3. Refusing to open up
We all have things in our past that we would rather not share, but having a
partner who refuses to discuss their past at all is a major red flag. Refusing to
talk about former relationships might be a sign that your partner hasn’t resolved
those issues, or that they aren’t working on healing themselves in a way that
equals a caring and self-fulfilled partner. Our pasts are a part of our personal
development, but we can’t initiate that growth unless we confront them, share
them and resolve them in a way that helps us do better in future.
4. Holding the past over you
If your partner holds their past over you, it might be a major sign that they’re not
the one. Saying things like, “I used to be so much happier,” belittles the other
partner, and makes them feel as though they are constantly being forced to live
up to the standard of bygone days — a battle that is neither fair nor realistic. It’s
great to share stories about our pasts, but it’s not fair to live there or expect our
partners to live in that past either. If we want a happy future, we have to focus on
the future, and we have to do that as a couple — not as ghosts of Christmas Past
.
5. Trail of messy breakups
Messy breakups are a part of life, but a trail of messy breakups might be a sign
that there’s some serious disfunction going on with your partner and the way
they resolve their emotions. When we can’t end relationships like adults, it’s a
sign that we’re not mature enough to enter into them in the first place. It can also
be a sign of serious emotional issues that need to be resolved before being able
to fully connect with another person.
6. A bad temper
short fused partner can be a sign of more dangerous things to come, especially if
that partner reveals their anger issues early on in the relationship. While a one-
time occurrence of yelling might be excusable, violence and intimidation is not
— not even once. Your partner needs to get help for their anger, but you’re not
the one to do it. Don’t ignore the anger warning signs.
7. Preventable money issues
We all know what it means to be alive in the age of college-debt, but constant
and preventable money issues are a serious red flag. Partners who are bad with
money, or who are irresponsible with their spending habits, can cause serious
problems later on down the road for both partners. It’s a sign of immaturity, and
it’s also a sign of a lack of willpower — something that’s absolutely necessary in
order to thrive in today’s world.
8. Physical and emotional abuse
Controlling behavior and physical and emotional abuse are always, always,
always a red flag and warning sign that you should never ignore. While abusers
will always easily explain their actions away, their words are poisonous sugar.
They will do it again, and they’ll keep doing it as long as they have access to
their victim. If you’ve found yourself in such a relationship, reach out to
someone you trust and start making a plan to get away.
9. Failure to stay employed
It’s one thing to walk away from a dangerous or self-defeating workplace, but
it’s another to maintain a habit of unemployment. A partner who is constantly
moving jobs or employment opportunities might be a sign of immaturity, and a
sign that that person isn’t quite sure where they’re going or what they want.
While spontaneity can be great in the right time and place, it’s not good for a
relationship or any foundational aspect of our day-to-day lives. It also shows a
lack of commitment and self-exploration; something that should send any self-
respecting person who knows who they are running for the hills.
10. An obsession with family
It’s great to have a partner who is close to their family, but a partner who is too
close can be a serious red flag. None of us comes from a perfect family, but the
person who is obsessed with or too indebted to their family can cause serious
issues in your relationship. Over time, those same family members might become
too involved in your relationship and interfere in a number of ways that leave
you both feeling undermined and unhappy.
11. Cheating
Occasionally, you’ll find yourself in a relationship with someone who admits to
cheating in their past. While every situation is differentt, this is (more often than
not) a red flag that you should run — not walk — in the opposite direction. If
they did it once, they’ll do it again. Cheating is always a sign of immaturity and
it is always a sign of someone who is not ready to take responsibility for their
commitments, behaviors and decisions.
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